i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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