oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
