i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Someone came in the potted fern
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Randomize
