Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
