you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
