anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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