you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Randomize
