You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
