She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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