She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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