this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Randomize
