They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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