i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Come see our sink grown plant.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
