I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
