I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
