he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Randomize
