I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
i need some magic done to my vagina
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
