it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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