I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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