im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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