Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
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