At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
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