Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
