I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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