I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
