He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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