so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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