Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
