Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
two words...techno handjob
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
