You work out of a Hotel?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
