we're blogging at a bar
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
