normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
