Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
