The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
