he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
