I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize