i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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