My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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