She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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