I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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