OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
