I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize