Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
