I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
