he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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