Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize