A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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