You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
