mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
