That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
