god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
