I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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