I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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