If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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