we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
