how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
These tits shall not be calmed
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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