I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
my sisters under your porch take her home
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
