I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
