i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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