soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
