you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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