Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
