you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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