all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
