Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
