Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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