fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
