There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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