god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
