somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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