You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
