She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
