I think i peed on brittanys purse
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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