Tell her she can't have a vagina
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
