Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
