Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
