I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
