You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
