I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
