I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Randomize
