I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
