SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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