spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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